P.S I Love You by Cecelia Ahern

On the 6th of Aug, when I was temporary out of commission, along with the 22 DVD that Rose had packed for me was this book entitled “P.S. I Love You”.

“Make sure you see the movie 1st before you read the book”, she instructed.

As it turns out, my mood got the better side of me and instead of watching all those new DVD’s which I longed to watch when they debut in the Cineplex like “The Devil Wear Prada” and “P.S. I Love You”, I had a rerun of all those good old movies which I realized I still enjoyed. I had a great time watching Harry Potter series (from The Sorcerer’s Stone to The Order of The Phoenix) back to back, Charlie’s Factory, Pretty Woman while singing the theme song loudly. It was absolutely crazy as I was singing “Pretty Woman, walking down the street” at about 1am in the morning.

I, however did started reading the book several days later, Chapter 1 & 2 while I was waiting for my Dr’s appointment. I had then SMS Rose,
“Hi. I know u said watch movie 1st then read. But I started w d book (P S I love U) 1st. I m only at chapter 2 & I already feel like crying. I think I ll definitely shed lots of tears on tis 1.”

And I was absolutely right. No doubt only recently I actually continue reading the book and subsequently finished the book on the 3rd October 08, but it’s better late than never. I had thoroughly enjoyed a good cry and a good laugh all at the same time. However, what really strikes me is that there are similarities between how I feel now and what Holly felt and most importantly she had her family members and friends to help her pull through.

They, in their whacky kind of ways, each with their own personality including her eldest brother Richard whom she initially cant stand somehow contributed to her journey of realization, self assurance and recovery. The journey, long as it is, she was never abandoned, never alone.

I guess similarly I was blessed to have friends while I go through my difficult journey in life. Rose had been there when I crashed and all along coaxing me to move forward, insisting that I share my pain with her, not judgmental regardless of what I tell her and being extremely gentle & patient. I have 2 very dear friends who would remind me that they love me. And I have another friend who don’t mind me slacking off and being bugged for no reason why.

To those who believe true friendship exist, those who goes through pain or even those who wishes to just grab a good book, do consider mulling over this one. To me, it’s a worthy investment.

Why People Commit Suicide? (Part 2)

Previously, I have explored the reason and indicating signs of people who have suicide ideation. I hope to touch on 2 other important aspects related to my 1st piece on “Why People Commit Suicide?”, which is on Self Injury and on Support and Assistance.

Self injury or self harm is people who deliberately inflict injury upon their own body. Some common form of self injuries involves making cuts in the skin, compulsive skin picking, hair pulling, burning, stabbing, poisoning, anorexia/bulimia or other form of abuses. Self injury aims at relieving or dealing with unbearable emotions (emotional distress), as a coping mechanism to relieve emotional pain or discomfort and to numb one self. These people are literally using “Pain to relief Pain”. In order to better understand, let me give you an analogy. When someone cannot bear that emotional pain, they can’t just gorge out their heart so in order to make it more bearable, to numb or not think they for example, take a knife and stab themselves. Now what happen is that the sudden sharp pain jolts the brain to concentrate on the physical pain instead. So the incumbent has somewhat found a temporary method to counter his/her emotional pain.

Is this a good method? Of course not. It is temporary relief but sets off other types of chain effects. As long as the emotional pain is not cured the person will continue to hurt oneself, which will lead to major health problem and sooner or later these people will have suicidal intent.

I believe Asians are not as open nor know how to deal with this issue compare to our Western counterpart. I could imagine if I tell my mother that I am depress, she will most probably say something like, “What’s wrong with you. You have a good job. Don’t think. Don’t be stupid. Where got people think about such things”. Asians are more of a social conformant. We think more of what people think than what we are supposed to do. Well, this may be another whole write up by itself, so as of now I am not going to touch on this aspect.

So, as family and friends what can we do to support or assist our love ones when they are depress, inflicting self injury or indicate the intention to commit suicide. These are some pointers:

Take It Seriously
You might think that the person is just saying and that he/she will not do it or you might even think or tell them that their problem weren’t enough to commit suicide over. Never underestimate a suicide ideation. Never ever judge if their problem is too small nor belittle their problem. It is not about how big or small a problem is but how badly it is hurting that person. Let me give another analogy, if someone loses a dog and think about committing suicide. What would you think? Many people would most probably feel that that is utterly ridiculous. What if I say that the person has no one else in this world and has been living with that dog for years and the bond that was build, the companionship, the sudden lost and all these emotions started to flood in. Yes, many a times these depress feeling that leads to suicidal ideation can be curb. Many mainly need a re-alignment of perspective, a possible solution, time, etc. But still, anyone expressing suicidal feeling needs immediate attention. So DON’T brush them off.

Another point to note is that if someone tells you “I feel suicidal”, this generally means that part of him/her wants to remain alive and part of him/her wants not so much so death but to end the pain. The reason why someone tells you this is because he/she believes that they can trust you, you are more caring, you would most probably understand, more informed about coping with misfortune, would be able to gently guide or support them through and etc. Most people are afraid to get help fearing that it will bring more pain being told that they are stupid, foolish, sinful, being rejected, suspension from job or school, etc.

Be cautious not to brush them off because brushing them off will just hurt them more and causes them to stop confiding their problem to you, to feel stupid and losing the final hope that they have got. This is detrimental and has major impact on the person who has suicidal intent.

Give and get help as soon as possible
In many circumstances, those who come to you only need to share his/her feelings and to have someone to be with. They just don’t want to be alone with their pain. What they need is patience, acceptance, sympathy, support, care, understanding and time. Yeah sounds like too much to ask from a friend or family member right? Well, as a start you need not displayed all the above, any one or combination of some is good enough. However, in circumstances where the person is acutely suicidal, do not leave them alone. Seek professional help as soon as possible.

One way to help someone who is suicidal is either by means of reducing his/her pain or increase their ability to cope with the pain. It is not easy both for the one suffering or the one helping but there are hundreds of ways we can take to improve our response. Knowing and taking these steps may save lives and reduces a great deal of suffering.

Why People Commit Suicide? (Part 1)

The topic on suicide has been a topic that people either rarely talked about, tried to avoid or somehow brought about a certain degree of discomfort. But for the matter of fact, in reality many have somehow chooses to intentionally terminating their own life, hence committing suicide. Those who has committed suicide comes from all walks of life for example Leslie Cheong (actor), John Reynolds (Actor), Alan Turing (British Mathematician & Computer Scientist), Tawfik Abu al-Huda Baja (Former PM of Jordan), poets, sportsman, world renown chemist and the list goes on. Equivalently as many is the type of suicidal method ranging from carbon monoxide poisoning, overdose, hanging, gunshot, jumping off buildings, wrists slitting and others.

The whole idea of death is abhorrent to us yet to me it is somewhat intriguing. Why do people commit suicide or even have suicidal thoughts or “suicidal ideation” in the first place? Is suicide the best option for people? Is there no other way to go about life and what life brings?

Many would condemn people who commit suicide because they generally don’t understand why this path is chosen. General trend of perception would be like

1. Religion disapproves of suicide.
2. Optimistic people would tell us that if you think positively you’ll be able to overcome anything in life.
3. People who thought about committing suicide is just attention seeker or projecting some form of deviant behavior
4. You are the source of your emotions. If a person wants to control their feeling they definitely can do so
5. There’s so much to live for there’s no reason to end ones life
6. Maybe it’s a mental problem and they should see a shrink

Contrary to what most people believe, suicidal thoughts are an involuntary affliction. Meaning people don’t choose to think or planned them. Suicidal thoughts just enter the mind. Hard to believe eh?

In reality, there are millions of people out there who wake each day thinking, hoping and wishing that they could be someone else or somewhere else. There’s just so much pain that people goes through daily. In most cases, people who think or commit suicide are people in great pain or difficult circumstances that they feel that their lives aren’t worth living anymore. It may also be due to major life transition like death, loss of job, end of relationship, and prolong sickness or a steady decline in the quality of their lives.

People who commit suicide often have overwhelmed feeling of helplessness; they are desperate and hurt; they think that something is wrong with them and often blame themselves for whatever things that happens in their life. The more they blame themselves, the less worthy they feel of having friends, fun, happiness or success.

They began to perceive the future as being hopeless. When these people live or believe to be living in such a world of pain and hurt then death ceases to be scary any more – Death then began to look like an easy way out, a simple solution to end their despair.

People, who have suicide ideation which lead to them committing suicide don’t just happen overnight. There are normally warning signs that are loud and clear. This is because it is not a norm for people to choose the path of death, people generally wanted to live. It’s just that they are struggling.

Some indication of a person who is seriously considering suicide is as follow:

• Talk or write about death, dying or suicide and suicidal method.
• Self hurt or self injury (this will be discuss in Part 2 of the series)
• Lack of interest, loss of concentration and withdrawal
• Trouble eating or sleeping (either excessive or lack)
• Feeling hopeless, anxious, agitated, uncontrolled or drastic change in behavior, mood and emotions
• Signs of preparing for death like making funeral arrangement, giving away prized possessions, writing letters or notes

Many a time the chance of recovery is higher if family and friends is able to pick up these signs and know how to handle such situation. Unfortunately, sad but true, sometimes the final push for a person to commit suicide is because they can’t even find the solace that they need from those closest to them. Think for a minute. If the person can get out of how they feel, do you think that they will need help? It’s often because they are lost in a maze that they need a light of guidance.

Some useful sites on this topic are as follow:
http://www.therapistlocator.net/families/Consumer_Updates/Suicidal_Thoughts.asp
http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/help/warning_signs.aspx
http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/
http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/whattodo.htm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-harm

Nudeus of Knowledge

One of the things I needed to do lately was to research on games or simulation for our workshop. Where could I find resources for my research other than libraries. After almost 8 years of not stepping into a library, I had visited the National Library on the 27th Sept 08 and today, 12th Oct 08.

As I set foot in the library, there was this gush of feeling that had long been submerged somehow resurface itself. The feeling grew stronger as I walked down the aisle. The euphoric feeling hits as I ooohhh and aaahhh on all those books that I found displayed on the shelf. I had took some time to visit the fiction section today after I finish my research. Each book seems to be fighting to gain my attention. Truthfully I had not felt this type of little joy for a long long time. I had borrowed 2 fictions written by Terry Brooks. Well, I hope to be able to read his 1st series, which is 1st King of Shannara, The Sword of Shannara, The Elfstones of Shannara & The Wishsong of Shannara. Unfortunately, the National Library doesn't have his full writting collection.

Another author I hope to read more of her books were from Pearl S. Buck. The 1st novel I read way back then was her book, "The Good Earth". The national library fantastic system makes it extremely hard to either locate books or to borrow them cos books are literally divided into 3 different storage area.

My next aim is to borrow War & Peace by Leo Tolstoy & An Absolute Scandal by Penny Vincenzi the next time I visit the library. Well, hopefully reading can help take me to another place, another realm, soemone elses lives so I can leave reality behind.

Failure to Launch

This movie was aired on HBO, Astro quite sometime back but somehow I had never gotton around to watching it. The show was about Tripp (Matthew McConaughey) who was in his 30s and is still living with his parents. Tripp's father especially couldn't wait for the day when his son would finally flap his wings and fly out of the nest.

In their ultimate desparation, they hired Sarah (Sarah Jessica Parker) to be their son's girlfriend. Yep, she is a specialist in helping guys who are old enough to stand on their own 2 feet but refuses to leave the comfort of the house they grew up in. I would definitely recommend this show to anyone who wants a really really good laugh.

But that's beside the point. What strikes my thinking cap here was that Sarah uses the same method for all the guys and it works. Well, she'll have to fine tune the content but generally the process is the same. But with Tripp, her methods failed and she needs to improvise. One of the reason for her failure was that she was over confident and she did not obtained the crucial information which can determine the success or failure of her project.

That leads me to think that we, as consultants can learn a thing or two from this movie:

1) It's absolutely alright to use back the same tool which we have master especially if it has been proven successful

2) You need not have all/the full detailed information to ensure success. You just need to make sure you identify the correct & yet crucial information and make sure you have it to ensure success.

3) Always fine tune your methods/tools to suit your client's needs

4) Always have or prepare a contingency plan. There's no sure safe methods on earth

5) Knowing who's who is important. Your clients have several levels of influencers. Crucial to determine the right influencer and provide the necessary information to these groups.

6) Teachnology can create wonders when uses appropriately.

Wedding Bliss!

Notes of happiness fill the air. The day started with the usual rush, hustling with my mom for the mirror’s attention. After being absolutely sure we look presentable, we headed for my uncle’s house. It’s his eldest son, my cousin brother, Brandon Ham’s wedding today (4th October 2008). As we were slightly late, the groom had already left the house to pick up his lovely bride. I was engrossed in a conversation with a friend of mine when suddenly a deafening honking sound pierce through the air. The honking somehow demanded everyone’s attention as it announces the arrival of the bride and groom. It has always been a tradition for male kids to open the wedding carriage, I mean the car door. It is a belief that the couple would be able to get a son soon as it is all parents wish for their sons. Amin and Shahmin, Brandon’s nephew has been chosen to do the honor. The children were more than eager as this important assignment also comes with a handsome reward, a red packet each. As he stepped out of the car, flashing his contented smile, he escorted his wife into the house for the tea ceremony.

I was not one for such ceremony. I dreaded the part when the newly wed couples start to give ang pow to those “un-married ones” which mainly consist of kids or toddler and the highest attained age level is supposed to be teenagers. As I had woke up late and literally skipped breakfast. I was ravenous by 11am. Well, while everyone was busy hustling & bustling with the tea ceremony in the house, I was outside whacking the food. It was a true joy to be….ahem, the very few first people to attack the food free from any disturbances nor queue. The food was marvelous and they even have someone mending a cendol & ABC machine which ultimately become the center of attraction both for the kids and the adults as well.

After a hefty brunch, which lasted till about 1pm. For everyone’s info, we did not gorged down food for a span of 2 hours, we would burst. Well, it was a mingle between food and everyone trying to catch up with each other, especially among relatives who had not seen each other for centuries.

After my stomach was contented and was no longer complaining, my eyes were now battling with my eyelid for it fail to compromise between staying awake and the urge to sleep. We then headed back to the hotel to get some shut eye.

The wedding dinner is scheduled at 7pm at Astana Ballroom, M.S Garden hotel. Knowing “Malaysia’s time”, I had suggested that we should leave our hotel & walked across to M.S Garden at 7pm as it is only a 10 minute stroll down the road. Unfortunately, my plan was foiled when mom started her lecture on how we should be on time by 6.30pm. Hence, we all had to scramble to get ourselves ready and in record time. We successfully reached the hotel as planned. Most tables were still empty and the chairs were looking longingly for someone to warm them up. The plus point of being one of the early birds was that we get to pick a beautiful spot right behind the main table with absolutely clear view of the stage and the newly weds.

Like I say, we Malaysians are unbelievable when it comes to being on time. Seriously, I wonder, who’s the founder of this philosophy? The wedding dinner finally starts slightly after 8pm. To me well other then the newly weds, there were 2 extremely notable highlights of the night. The champion goes to the karaoke sessions. I had so much fun laughing that my stomach and diaphragm hurts from all those laughing. There were of course some good singers… there was this extremely extremely cute 5 year old who sang “Eternal Flame” and the bride, Joycelyn’s sisters and of course we also have some who are convinced that they can mesmerized the audience, if you get my drift.

The part which touches my heart was when my cousin brother gave his bride his vow based on 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. I soon found out that he too had accepted Jesus Christ as his personal Lord and Savior. This holy matrimony is hence both a blessing and a joy.

Here’s wishing that the Lord’s blessing will be upon them as Brandon Ham & Joycelyn Tay starts their journey together as husband and wife.

Picture Courtesy of Eng Wei Yong.

Freedom Writer : The Movie

I wonder, when we see someone, what do we see? Do we see them as individual, as a human being? Having the same right as God’s creation to the air we breathe, to the warmth of the sun, the freedom to choose and to life? Or do we see people based on their color, their religion or their beliefs?

Then I look around me and I see genocides, war, hatred, misunderstanding and death. And I wonder, why could we not be more tolerable? After watching this show entitled “Freedom Writer” star by Hilary Swank, I believe that what we lack in this world today is love, genuine, unselfish love and the believe that there’s good in each of us.

Well, some might argue that all of us have that love. Well, yes and no. Adolf Hitler also propagates love but his love is only for his own people, the Aryan race. And because of this so called loop sided love, it marks one of the darkest moment in the history of mankind, the Holocaust. The love that I talked about is different and so far there’s only one that I know who has this love. The one whom I talked about is God. For God does not permit the sun to shine only upon those that he favors, nor allow the rain to fall on land of those whom he likes but to all, the good and the bad. Yes, we can never be like God but whose stopping us from trying daily to do what God has mandate us to do on earth. What is stopping us from emulating God’s love?

The Freedom Writer is based on a true story. Following is an excerpt from the “Freedom Writers Foundation Site” at http://www.freedomwritersfoundation.org/site/c.kqIXL2PFJtH/b.2259975/k.BF19/Home.htm

“The Freedom Writers Diary is the amazing true story of strength, courage, and achievement in the face of adversity. In the fall of 1994, in Room 203 at Woodrow Wilson High School in Long Beach, California, an idealistic teacher named Erin Gruwell (Ms. G) faced her first group of students, dubbed by the administration as "unteachable, at-risk" teenagers. The class was a diverse mix of African-American, Latino, Cambodian, Vietnamese, and Caucasian students, many of whom had grown up in rough neighborhoods in Long Beach.

Whether it was official or not, we all knew that we had been written off. Low test scores, juvenile hall, alienation, and racial hostility helped us fit the labels the educational system placed on us: “unteachable,” “below average,” and “delinquents.” Somehow, Ms. G recognized our similarities, and used them to unite us. We began writing anonymous journal entries about the adversities that we faced in our every day lives. We wrote about gangs, immigration, drugs, violence, abuse, death, anorexia, dyslexia, teenage love, weight issues, divorce, suicide, and all the other issues we never had the chance to express before. We discovered that writing is a powerful form of self expression that could help us deal with our past and move forward. Room 203 was our safe haven, where we could cry, laugh, and share our stories without being judged.”

To me this is truly an inspiring movie, that there are people out there who truly care. I have always believed that all of us can write and writings have always been a good channel to voice our thoughts, our view, our opinion and our feelings. It is truly a blessing when you go through life being given the opportunity to enrich the life of others or being given the opportunity to leave a positive impact in someone’s life.

12.30AM

It's late at night, or should I say it's wee hour in the morning. It has rained yesterday, and tonight the air is almost fresh. The breeze is cool yet not chill and somewhat soothing. I realize that other than the sound of a few cars zooming past on the nearby highway and a few cricket chirping away, all else is still and quiet.
I seriously cant imagine why I am still up. On such a lovely night, I should be in bed, tuck underneath the warmth and comfort of my blankie, drifting into dreams. I shall be patient. Sleep will definitely come. It's just a matter of time....

Please STOP!

Tears of sadness flows like rivulet of water following the curves of my face. As it trickles down, my memories ware tormented with nothing but cruel lashes of words and accusations thrown at me for my inadequacy. It seems that I was the only channel for people to vent their emotions, frustration and anger. And yet silence. For my mouth was seal as if by an invisible tape. I was the core of all things that could ever go wrong. Yes, it was my fault. I had for a long time believed that to be true.

The feeling of worthlessness overwhelms me. Nothing I do was ever right. May it be with friends, with family, with work, everything I had ever done, ever work for is all futile. I was so engulfed by worthlessness that it has paralyzed me. Struggle as I may I could not overpower it’s force against me. Why then do I need to fight something that I have no power against? Why should I constantly battle between how I hope to live my life compare to my current state? I am battling none other than the ghost of my own thoughts, feelings & emotions. Alas, I can’t change my life or my thoughts. It’s been engraved and deeply etched into my being.

I question daily my existence, my value to live. To continue to suck air into my lungs. To continue breathing. Where shall I find my comfort? In whom should I seek solace from? When I find myself drowning in the sea of despair, struggling to stay afloat, I reach out my hand desperately…but there was no hand, no buoy, no help. I was wrong. So extremely wrong. There are still those who had offered, who had extended their hands. Why then would you choose to drown? A little voice in me whisper, tell them. That little whisper makes my heart jump for joy as it realizes that I could still attain help. Then I realized it’s not that I do not want to grab hold but I can’t.

I have endured enough critique & judgment by people. I fear that my current state might not be able to withstand that change of perception from the meager few friends I had left. As I sat contemplating what had happen lately, the rivulet of tears had blurred my vision. I then realized that I was sobbing. It has almost become a routine of sort, this sobbing of mine.

I just want it to stop. I don’t wanna sob anymore. Neither do I want to feel the pain that’s stabbing my heart. I would do anything to make it stop. I don’t want to live life carrying both physical & emotional pain. Please, please stop!

A Dream

For a long time now, I have thought about it, this dream of mine.

I was struggling to wake up. Something is not right. Everything around me was just dark & gloomy. It’s like being lost in a maze where there isn’t even a beam of light. I struggle to get up. I saw myself worried about my work unfinished. I had set a target to ensure I am able to finish what I need to do. A week passed and I proudly walked into my boss office & informed him that I had finished all my tasks. I handed to him my work. Thank him and requested for a hug, then say good bye. I then walked to 2 of my friend’s cubicle, hug them and say good bye as well.

A change in scenario took me back to my home. I had applied for several days of leave. I had packed my bags & informed my parents that I would be away for a few days, going outstation for work. Then I saw myself driving over to my friend’s house. I chatted with her, had a great time, laugh, joke and as I was about to leave, I had given her a kiss on her forehead & say good bye. I walked towards the door & I stopped. With a heavy heart I look back, taking a last look trying to capture that smile, that look. Hoping that it will be engrave in my mind forever.

I drove to a hotel, had a shower then lay down on the bed. It was evening then. I took out the knife that I had prepared earlier and with one swift slash, I had made a mark on my wrist. It was not as painful as I thought. As I lay watching the blood drip on the white mattress, I had to call her. The last that I remembered was talking to her…. And then silence. No more sound, no more pain, blissful….

It’s just a dream…

20th September 2008

Hear ye! Hear ye! Great news. Her drip is off. She's up & about. Well, ok she's still in pain. What major operation doesn't involved pain... da...

She's supposed to walk (slowly) as walking helps quicken the healing process & the muscle grows stronger too. I have been scanning jokes in the internet & sending various jokes to her since yesterday evening. In normal circumstances she would have laughed out loud. Of course, now she'd had to control & just smile. Well, I may not be good at telling jokes but I definitely can distinguish some good jokes. (Trust me when I say I am lousy at telling jokes. I'll have to tell people laugh, it's a joke before someone caught on & laugh.) Hopefully continuous laughter helps too. People say an apple a day keeps the doctor away but then one can eat all the apples they want but without being happy, being able to laugh you'll still need to see the dr. And I know my friend will concur to this as well.

So today my mood is like...

Btw, did I mention, she will be discharge tomorrow.

19th September 2008

Heh :) I think I was like that yesterday. (Blush)

Well, I feel a whole lot better today. We (Roobs, Mas, PJ, kak Kas & myself) went & saw her just now. She definitely look better than yesterday. It was a huge relief for me. So here's my wish, for her to get well soon.

18th September 2008

18th September 2008.

Some might wonder, is this date significant? Is it politically related, historical maybe... well it's none of the above. It's only significant to me & the main reason I wanna put it down so that I won't forget what I feel. Someone close to my heart went for an operation today.

It's still vividly clear in my memory, she went for her usual checkup on 5th Sept. At 3:36:28pm, she sms me informing me that she needs to go for an operation on the 18th. I didn't have time to really digest the sms when I saw her walking through the door. Well, there's this song with the lyrics that sounds something like this "Walked under a bus, got hit by a train..." well it sure feels something like that.

Text her that nite asking if it's ok for me to vist her in the hospital. She said yeah, so long as I dont look worried or sad. She knows me. I am the worried type. So I told her, deal. (Well, sign, seal & deliver. Hhmm I think this is a title to a song...).

Went out yesterday with another very very dear friend. We were wondering what to get for her. Well, I thought of getting her the latest book by Cecelia Ahern (U know the one who wrote P.S I Love U), which entitled "Thanks for the Memories" But decided against it. Stupid of me, I should have surf Facebook 1st. So I quickly text another friend hoping to shed some light to my dilemma. Well, by the time the light came I am already on my way back home. Got her something else instead (and some magazines). Hopefully it'll last till Sat cos I am hitting the book store again & I now know what I want. I was out for bout 8 hours & had a splitting headache by the time I reach home. Despite the splitting headache, I was wondering if she is alright. Thus at 10:56:32pm on 17th Sept, I sms this to her:

"Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) said: The sick person's sleep is considered as worship & his moaning as litany of praise to Allah. He is rewarded as though he is performing his usual prayers when he was healthy although he is unable to do so now. His supplications are accepted, his sins are forgiven, all his mistakes & wrong doings recorded in his book are deleted..."

I hope I didn't send her some ajaran sesat. Just hope that something will encouraged her. I know I always do such lousy job at trying to cheer or encourage people. Well, she didn't reply & I dont expect her to.

So after 2 long weeks, today is her operation. I took 1/2 day afternoon leave today. I was feeling fine in the morning. I was totally whack out by 11.30am. I began to feel anxious & extremely stress out. Can't work proper, practically counting down the minutes. Left at 12.18pm. I really hope to see her before they wheel her into the operating room. Thank God, I reach there by 1.10pm & she was wheeled in by 1.30pm.

So, there I was waiting anxiously (her husband was also there) up till bout 3pm when the Dr came out to inform that the operation went well. That was like major relief. We continue to wait till bout 4pm & she was pushed out from the operating room back to the ward. She was in tremendous pain, her anesthetic was wearing out, she's awake & they have yet to give her any pain killer. The worst is seeing how the nurses move her & she winced in pain. Seeing how when the bed rolled over a bump on the floor & she is in pain. Well, I would have sounded if it had not been that her husband had not said anything yet so who am I to be screeming at the nurses.

Seeing her like that opens the floodgate of my memories, memories of my operation. No doubt it has been 13 years since but I can still remember clearly the pain that shoots through every nerve & cell in my body.

A deal is a deal. I had to put up a brave front. Smile. Joke. Both before and after the operation. I will continue to do so until she is fully recovered. I left at about 5pm. As I was walking to the lift that's when I started crying. I feel like an idiot but this idiot could not help it and neither can I control it. It's a mixture of feelings, Happy and reliefe because the operation went well, sad and anguish because she is going through pain and finally I don't understand why she needs to go though all this. People walking pass me must be wondering. Well, Thank God, I called 2 of my friends. It helps to be able to talk to someone.

I just realised, people might not believe what I have just written. You might be wondering, she's just a colleague. Well, as the blog is entitle Thoughts Un-Publish (until I decide to change it) & knowingly there wont be many people reading so what the heck. Believe it or not, nothing more & nothing less is added or subtracted. It has depict exactly what has happened & how I feel. I can see blood, watch an operation and I would not have any reaction but it's a totally different story when things like this happen to people that I care & love. To me, it's a little sis who's undergoing an operation not a colleague.

Now the only thing I could do is pray... Pray that God will speed her recovery.

Dinner at Puteri

On Tuesday, 16th Sept a few of us went to Puteri to break fast. I had totally enjoyed the experience. It's always nice to be able to hang out with these friends of mine. Roobs almost didn't make it. She need to car pool with someone & felt that she might trouble us. She didn't realised that she brings so much joy to a gathering. It's lucky that Rose managed to talk her into finally joining us. Even though I dont say much but just being around them makes me happy. We had great laugh. There are a few jokes that I will never forget, ever. The highlight of the night other than us all having a good time was we met Siti Nurhaliza.

That's Rose (ahem also known as Ella) posing beside Siti Nurhaliza. Hhmm I wonder, which of this 2 fair maiden is younger? Then another question pop into my mind, which of this 2 fair maiden is prettier? Answer to both: Well, to me of course la my younger sis. Percaya tak!!

My friends who are able to make it to the dinner Rose, Fadzil, Roobs, Kak Kas & her husband (abang Ramly) :-)

The magic combination: Great Food & Even Greater Company

CMU Planning Session

We, at CMU (Change Management Unit) had a 1 day planning session on the 20th August at Residence Hotel. The purpose of the session was to determine CMU’s direction and planned what we are supposed to do until the year 2010, collectively as a team. Despite having only 2 days to prepare, I do say, we pull off quite a good session.


The agenda set for that day was vigorous. Did I just mention vigorous? Well, at least for the mind. We managed to brainstorm and complete our destination statement, identify our key activities and outcome & developed the Strategic Linkage Model. With the amount of brainstorming we did, no wonder it was raining the whole day that day. By the way, a teeneey weeneey bit of promotion here, if anyone is interested to conduct similar sessions, please feel free to contact us.

Other than that we also had our Prouds, Sorries & Worries which was conducted by our guest facilitator, Tn. Hj. Ali. The pictures below saw us all mulling over the list posted by each CMU members, followed by some pictures of Tn. Hj. Ali in action.

Well, no workshop would be complete without some energizer. And what an energizer we had. I personally could not remember having so much fun for a long time. Our game facilitator, Roobee really spunk up the sessions. The energizer creates the perfect environment to drop our guard, to build up our understanding and to increase our ability to work together as a team. Nothing is more effective in team building than the ability to laugh together.

You must be wondering what game we played. It was called the longest line. We are all supposed to use whatever we have on our body at that time to form the longest line. You could see people starts taking off their belts, shoes, practically anything. The part that I really had a good laugh was when we start to line up our credit cards. Wow, that really, really forms a very long line. Low mentioned that he produced his wife IC once when stopped by the police traffic & the police traffic said, “Ini gambar ah moi, tak pakai la”. So, once the game had ended, we were wondering if we had collected back our own card.

The picture below shows our game facilitator giving marching instructions and each of us having a blast.


Another notable area to highlight was the change in our comfort level. We started off the day on quite a serious note. As the day progress, our comfort level with each other increased. The best part was we begin to stick post it pads describing each of our friends. Here’s a few really nice one I would like to share with you all. There are also a few pictures showing some of my friends in action.



By the end of the day, we were all milked dry - I was referring to our ideas. But we finished the day feeling charged in a sense. We have another 3 days session subsequently back at the office and I believe after we have completed all our session, CMU will have a clearer direction and a better team.

The team that makes this session happen.

It's good to be among great minds.

This is written on 3rd August 2008 at 12.30am. I was admitted to the hospital for couple of days. My main concerns was that i dont know what to do during that few days. My friends told me that I could use that time to write since on normal days I would be tied up with work. But alas, inspiration and ideas doesn't come in those environments. Then as soon as I was discharge & as I lay on my bed (ah sweet comfortable bed of mine), that's when the inspiration came.



Do not ask of the pain I go through
For you may not know
Do not ask of the tears that flow
For you will not see
Do not ask of my discomfort
For I hope that you will never go through
So then in the midst of all that seems
Lost, bleak, dark & despair
All I need, is a pair of hands
Stretch out for me to hold on
A smile, so comforting
It melts away the pain
A hug, so warm
It melts away the despair
A shoulder
To put those tears at bay
Finally,
Understanding & support
That drives away.... the last bit
of darkness.

Where then could I find all these?
One does not need to go far
For its there
You will be able to find it
Through your love ones,
Your family,
Your friends.

How then could I capture,
To store
To embalm
Those precious moments in life
All those smiles,
Those hugs
Those laughter
I had only wish
I could bottled it up
All that is good
All that is happy
So it will last forever more
Never diminish
Never perish

Memories will fade
Once one grow old
Bottled I shall
These memories of mine
So it would last through time and age
Bottled I shall
These memories of mine
One fine day
When all is pen down
But till then
Memories will do.

As I Lay Me Down To Sleep

This amazingly was written in a spur of a moment & was finish after 10 minutes.

As I lay me down to sleep
I pray oh God, let me wake in the morning
And if it should be that I shall not see
The rise of the morning sun
Then I pray oh God
Received my soul
And lead me to the place
Where I could rest
Where in heaven I lay
With tears no more
With vanished pain
With disappeared sorrows
Where the earth problem
No more
No matter

As I lay me down to sleep
I pray oh God,
That if I should not wake in morning yonder
That the words of my heart
The thoughts of my mind
The feelings of my soul
Shall not perish
That despite all believes
Despite all anger
Despite all wrongs
Despite all boundaries
That those closest to me
Will know
That they matters
That I cared

As I lay me down to sleep
If I should not see another tomorrow
My only word
Only sentences
Would be
“I love You My Families”
“I love You My friends”

Visit to Connaught Bridge Power Station

Me and 2 of my dear friends visited Connaught Bridge Power Station (CBPS) on the 14th-24th April 2008. In capturing my experience there, this is what I have written but from a perspective of a camera. Before the story begins, below is the picture of CBPS early in the morning, beautifully captured by Rose.

Let me begin by introducing myself. I am Minolta Dimage A1. Well, if you’ll are wondering, yes I am a camera. I had a blast from 14-24th April 2008 while my owner, Rosilawati & her friends, Roobee & Eng had the opportunity to visit Connaught Bridge Power Station (CBPS). Now let me share with you my experience and bring you’ll on a tour of Connaught Bridge from the perspective of my lenses.

Come to think of it, lets take a step back. In the midst of my eagerness to begin I believe I should introduced you’ll to my owner. That’s Rosilawati and her friends.
Noticed the 4 tower of Open Cycle at the back. Nice, eh?

As this is my 1st time in a power station, I was exhilarated. I was absorbing as much sound, sight & knowledge as possible. Our training encompasses a series of briefings and tour on various aspects of the power station such as the Central Electrical Control Room (CECR), Water Treatment Plant, Mechanical Maintenance and ECNI. It was meant to be a holistic experience to help us familiarized with the running of a power station.

I will now briefly walk you’ll through various pit stop, each with its own interesting stories. Excited? Our 1st stop would be the Central Electrical Control Room. As the name suggest, it is the hub to control all aspects of the power plant. Did I say hub? Heart is more like it. I think I am getting dizzy just by looking at all those controls and screens.

I was rather busy trying to comprehend the functions of all the screens. All these screens assist people to monitor different aspects of the plant. The 1st screen for example shows the temperature of the gas turbine. The following screens shows monitoring of the open cycle gas turbine & steam turbine.

Now, let us move on. Another interesting stop would be the Water Treatment Plant. There were numerous tanks for different stages of water processing. Somehow, when I reach the Cation & Anion tank, the thought of cats & fishes crosses my mind. I wonder…?
Ahem, on a more serious note, the function of the water treatment plant is to ensure water is treated for boiler water and before releasing the water back into the Klang river. Well, let us move along to the next pit stop.

This is what I was looking forward to, the highlight of the training… a tour on gas and steam turbine, which operated through Open Cycle & Combined Cycle modes.
I guess I was extremely lucky as Margarita, the gas turbine was undergoing major overhaul. Ahem, I could see all her dismantled components. There were the combustor chambers, the 21 stages of blades on the compressor, the 5 stages of blades for the gas turbine, a portion of the main shaft, nuts & bolts and I could go on & on. As for me, I was just happy clicking away.

Ah, what could I say, a masterpiece. Look at the product of my hard work. Btw, did you’ll noticed the nuts & bolts, one can actually do some serious weight lifting with that.

Apparently, the turbine blade is made of high quality material that can stand high pressure & temperature. Wow, do you know that one blade is equivalent to a Proton Saga? Imagine, there’s 21 stages of blade in a compressor. I was busy trying to imagine the number of proton sagas we can purchase. Bet you don’t know about that, huh?

That’s all folks. I hope that you have enjoyed my journey as much as I have the fun sharing it with you.

Learn from the Eagle

This is something I wrote for one of my department bulletin.

We have launched our Service Excellence 10/10 (SE10/10) on 1st September 2007. Our SE10/10 being the 1st destination is part of our 20 years plan. We have the Eagle representing our intentions, aims and aspirations to achieve our TNB company’s Vision that is to reach Global leadership - to be among the Leading Corporations in the Energy and Related Businesses Globally.

Are we ready to take off like the eagle? Would we be able to endure the hardship of change in order to realize our company’s vision? Let us take a look and learn from the eagle.
The eagle has the longest life-span of its species. It can live up to 70 years. But to reach this age, the eagle must make a hard decision in its 40s. It’s long & flexible talons can no longer grab prey which serves as food. It’s long & sharp beak becomes bent. It’s old-aged and heavy wings due to their thick feathers become stuck to its chest and make it difficult to fly. Then the eagle is left with only 2 options : Die or Go through a painful process of change which lasts 150 days.
The process requires that the eagle fly to a mountain top and sit on its nest. There the eagle knocks its beak against a rock until it plucks it out. After plucking it out, the eagle will wait for a new beak to grow back & then it will pluck out its talons. When its new talons grow back, the eagle starts plucking its old aged feathers. And after 5 months, the eagle takes its famous flight of rebirth and lives for 30 more years.

As our pepatah Melayu says “Berakit-rakit kehulu, berenang-renang ketepian. Bersakit-sakit dahulu, bersenang-senang kemudian”. Now what have you learn from this article? How can you contribute in achieving SE10/10? What role can you play?

Self Discovery & Finding the Right Path to Friendship

As long as I can remember, I have constantly struggle with the word friends. I have always attribute to me not knowing how to be a human being so what more being a friend ,that contributes to my dilemma. Thus, the word Friend & Friendship baffle me. After 3 decades & I still could not get the hang of it. What an irony.



I wonder why at times?

Is it because I am delusional, living in my own fantasy of how a friend should be or should react.

Or is itbecause I don’t really understand myself as to what I really wanted from a friend?

Could it be that what I want is something that my friends could not provide?

Is it because of who I am & what I do?

Alternatively is I have not find the right type of friends. But then & again how do we classify what is the right type & what is not?

Do we choose friends? Or is it something that just happen. Well, you feel that you can click with someone & one progress from there. That's where it all begins....



In order to understand better, I have to describe a little bout the type of person I am, what I think & feel. I am emotional, sentimental and i believe caring (over caring is more like it) as well. I dont think I am judgemental. I am happy when my friend let me help in any way possible (my worry is that they dont call me when they need help). It could have been as insignificant as driving them to somewhere to get somethings. I also believe that when you love someone you love them whole heartedly thus I like this explanation on love:
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude.

It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;
It does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never ends.



What I want to do is to ensure (up to the best of my capability) that my friends are happy (not hurt), would like them to be safe & healthy (something I can only pray about), to be there 24/7 (if they will only let me).



I think I tend to do things that scares off my friends & I guess it's my problem.
How I tend to scares off my friends that is a long story. So stay tune.....

Sketches

A kaleidoscope

Poems written in the 80s

A kaleidoscope
Changing from time to time
Beauty that’s beyond our reach
And destruction is but a step away

Gazing
What once was Asgard
Dew of tears
Hanging on each scrubs
Dancing happily
Glitters under the moon rays
As the sun arises
Its power exercised
The dew vanishes

Paintings of heaven
Story of the past
A variety of display
An interpretation of the mind

One can see the greenery around
Mountains,
Reaching the skies
Displaying their strength and wisdom
Yet, lost in battle
Lost to the mist and fog that conquers
They lay down their claim
South wind blew
Announcing its forth coming
Mightier than ever
But gentle at heart
As it whisper a message
A message of love
Peace and content
Lost in time

Suddenly!
A loud clash
Thor hammers away
Sending sparks of lights
Across the heaven above
Showers in on its way

A change in the kaleidoscope
Shock to see
The display of modern architecture
Dark and ugly
Grow like mushrooms after the rain
Monotonous
Still and lifeless
Replacing all beauty
Yet to the rich and famous
Glamour and glory
Pollution, stress and disease
Fill the air
Deep down its crying
For beauty was lost
Lost forever
Never to be replaced

A nation’s hope
For a better tomorrow is shattered
For the future generations
Can only see
The display of destruction
The other side of the kaleidoscope
Ponder then
Which side of the kaleidoscope you would rather see?

Knowing You

Poems written in the 80s

Knowing you has made
My life a paradise
Where beauty fills the eyes
Where the scent of blooming flowers
And dews of tears from heaven above
Glitters like a thousand diamonds
Under the bright sunlight
Grass tall like steeple
Grow free and wild
Birds of all kinds
Each with it’s own beauty
Fills the morning sky
Whispering pines
Mesmerized by the enchanting tunes
Dance according to its rhythm
But life, is dead
And eclipse of darkness
Surrounds me
For without you
Birds no longer chirps
Grass once freely grows
Now choke with weeds
Strangling all beauty
Grief and sorrow encompasses me
Each passing moment
Sorrow, mount with great intensity
Like a knife
Slicing deeply into my heart
Life, is yet another painting
A scenery
A scenario of darkness.

Kota Kota Tembok

Poems written in the 80s

Sang suria termenung di jendela
Ingin melihat kejadian dunia
Tapi...alangkah pilunya
Melihat alam
Alam yang suatu ketika serba indah
Dipenuhi flora dan fauna
Kurniaan Tuhan
Kini, telah hapus dan bersilih ganti
Dengan kota-kota tembok

Alangkah sedihnya
Melihat kota-kota tembok
Yang tinggi dan tersergam indah
Disanjung dan dipuji manusia
Manusia yang kian berubah mengikut era
Era kepesatan pertumbuhan kota-kota tembok
Kota metropolitan

Alangkah sedihnya
Melihat tangan manusia yang terkapai-kapai
Lemas ditenggelami arus pemodenan
Mencuba dan mengejar ruang-ruang kosong
Mata yang kian diselubungi keinginan
Keinginan untuk maju dan berkembang
Sejajr perkembangan dunia
Namun manusia buta
Buta akan kehancuran alam
Kekosongan jiwa
Yang tidak dapat dipenuhi dan diganti
Oleh kota-kota tembok

Sang suria menangis
Mengenangi memori alam
Kesegaran dan keindahan alam
Burung yang berkecipan di pagi hari
Sang bayu yang membisikkan lagu
Pohon-pohon yang menari kegembiraan
Binatang yang keluar bermain
Kini kesemuanya telah berlalu
Diganti dengan kekotoran dan kehitaman
Yang diluahkan kota-kota tembok
Yang tinggal
Hanya memori
Memori indah!

The Enchanted Forest

Poems written in the 80s

Day turn to night
The sun lay its gentle head down
Fast asleep
The inhabitants of the night
Comes out to play
The Luna, majesty of darkness
With stars that waited on her
Glows like Cherubim
All enjoying the entertainment down below

Aye, they are the guardian
The guardian of the enchanted forest

The enchanted forest
Comes alive at night
The creatures of the night
Hustle and bustle through the forest
Rats twitching their nose
Smelling the night air
Scrupulously and alert
Scurrying along with its task
Watching for predators
A dash, fast as lightning
It disappears
When the hoot of an owl
Echoes through the forest
Bats of all shapes and sizes
Come out by the dozen to feast

A tune
The cricket with its fiddle
The snake, a hiss
The frog with its croaking
An orchestra of the forest

The night air fills with laughter and music
As the fairy folks
Comes out to play
Hair glittering like diamonds
Garments of satin and silk
On toadstool they sit
And delicacies they dine
Rare and delicious

And so, one might stumble
Across a fairy or two
If one is lucky
And understand the whisper
The whisper of the trees
They would tell of fantastic stories
The stories of the enchanted forest

As the sun arises
Laugher and music no longer heard
Trees no longer whisper
Thus, only those who are innocent
And young at heart
Will know the mystical happening
In the enchanted forest
When day turns to night

The Four Seasons

Poems written in the 80s

Friends are like seasons
Spring, when all life came alive
That’s when a friendship bloom
It enjoys lying lazily under the sun
Feeling the warm caress of the breeze
Grows & enjoy the warmth of spring

Summer, the heat of the sun grew stronger
Heat beating down
It begins to wither
Thirst for water
Hunger for change

Autumn
It withered but some stayed
It has lost all colors of life

Winter snow falls
The snow queen works begun
Freezing & breaking
What once spring has brought – Friendship

The strong will survive all seasons
For true friendship keep each other warm
For love can eliminate all spells cast
Alas, the weak, they withered and die

Memory of the seasons will remain
Sadness fills the still quiet air
But in the cycle of life
One will find yet another new start,
Another new friend
When spring comes again
Some will perish
Never to recover again
Perish along with winter.

The Ruin

Poems written in the late 80s

A misty night
Across the plain
Stood a mansion
A ruin
Magnificent and glorious
Surviving and enduring all hardship
Sun and rain beating down
Upon it’s melancholy wall
Wind blew
Scraping each nourishment
Draining each existence of life

Moss and ivy covered wall
Stain on the ruin reflects its age

Indeed the ruin
Once stood majestic and magnificent
Now, remains a ruin
Older than time itself

The ruin
In misty and foggy nights
Mysterious
Eerie
Old and scary
Filled with a thousand stories

In the olden days
When music and laughter fills the air
Prince and princes sat by the crackling fire
Eagerly listening to stories
Stories of drowning sailors
Of young brave soldiers
Of Knights and fair maiden
From far away land
Now it is but a ruin
Laughter and music no longer fills the air

Yet it’s a beauty
To one who knows
The hidden stories
The hidden stories
Of the ruin.

Untitled

The reason for it being known as Untitled mainly cos I have yet to figure out a suitable title. Kak Kas commented that the presence of proper thought flow has yet to exist. It's true in a sense. This poem depicts confusion, frustration and a clumpered up thoughts. I am contemplating if I should just leave it be or ......

Darkness of the night
Quiet still air
Lying on the bed
Trying to sleep
As the business of the day passes
Recalling event of the day
Difficult …. difficult to sleep
Once the eyes shut
Thousand thoughts began to swim by
To haunt me
To torment me
Suffocating
No where to go
No where to run
No where to hide
In the midst of my sanity
I question
Am I doing more harm to myself?
Or to those around me
Alas people don’t change
They never do
History always repeats itself
We never learn
Never will
A habit
A Norm
We grow older
But no wiser
Felt the cold sweat
The dizziness
The anxiety
Can I not bury myself
Not think
Does it matter?
Why?
The pain that I felt
Try as I may
Sleep would not come my way

Turbulent Feelings

This one might need to revisit one fine day when I can find the time. It's somehow not refine nor complete. This is supposed to be metaphoric. Got the idea of writing in a metaphoric way from my boss.

In the beginning,
When the earth was form
The ocean was blue and still
Ocean surrounded by mountains
Sheltered
Safe
Carefree

Generation passes
Ocean became more turbulent
Restless
Its raging wave, constantly beat against the shore
It lashes out
It vent its frustration on the shore
The rocks
The pebbles

Waves battered and abuse
Anything that dare stand in its path
A pebble
Drag along by the waves
As it enters the great big ocean
It begin to sink

Kesedaran Seorang Insan Biasa

This I can't really remember how it come about. The title was given by Kak Kas. Well, show it to some friends, many couldn't believe I wrote this. There are just those days which the inspiration cometh. I used to write poems way back during my secondary school days. I had stopped for one reason or another. Somehow, lately after joining my new company, my artistic side re-surface. Guess I am working with a bunch of great people who is both inspiring & artistic. :o)

Ku merenung keluar jendela
Sejauh mata memandang
Keindahan senja
Kemegahan gunung
Kelembutan angin yang meniup
Syukur Alhamdullilah
Kurniaan Allah

Termenung ku seketika
Fikiran ku mula melayang
Kembali ku ke realiti
Bila kedengaran laungan azan
Azan yg memanggil umat
Menunaikan keimanan & kewajiban

Doa Seorang Ibu

Wrote this a day before Mother's Day. Was just lying there aimlessly when my "Ilham" came.

Dudukku seorang di anjung rumah
Gambar anakku disisi
Namun ia hanya sekeping gambar
Ku duduk meratap, merenung, menunggu
Air mata melinang di pipi
Rindu yang tidak terkata
Hari demi hari berlalu
Namun tiada kau balik melihatku

Kini, kau tidak ingin menatap wajahku
Wajahku yang uzur
Kau enggan memegang tanganku
Tanganku yang kasap
Lupakah kamu,
Wajah pertama yang kamu lihat ialah wajahku
Dan tangankulah yang memandikan kamu
Menyuapkan kamu
Mendidik kamu
Membesarkan kamu

Pulanglah wahai anakku
Sejak kau pergi ke kota
Alasan demi alasan yang kau bagi
Kau hanya tahu mengejar kekayaan
Mementingkan kejayaan

Wahai anakku,
Walaupun kamu lupa akan ibumu
Namun, setiap hari ku doakan agar kau
Tidak lupa mengerjakan segala perintah-Nya
Meninggalkan segala larangan-Nya
Dan menguatkan keimanan mu kepada Allah s.w.t

Anakku, pulanglah kamu ke pangkuanku
Pulanglah....

Poem for Rose

This is a poem I recently wrote for someone very dear to me.

Rose, an epitome
Of beauty, sweetness and gentleness
Swaying gently
Invigorating aroma
Lovely as the autumn leaves
Adorn with sight too marvelous for words
Wind caressing each petals
Ah…. Such peace, tranquility, such joy
Too deep to be fathom?
Indeed

Marvel at God’s creation
A simple flower yet
Hidden within - complexity
Mysteriously interwoven
Uniquely special
Distinct, definitely one in a million.

Why A Blog?

Welcome to my blog. Wow being an illiterate in IT, I had never in a million years dreams about having my own blog. Basically I love to write, mainly poems though. I needed a space for me to post my writings. I hope to be able to finish writing a book about my experience, thoughts - basically what I've been through.

Other than writing, also love to draw/sketch. I hope to be able to post some of my sketches in this site as well.

To those who manage to find this site. I hope that you'll will be able to drop a comment or two. Much appreciated.

Enjoy!