Why People Commit Suicide? (Part 2)

Previously, I have explored the reason and indicating signs of people who have suicide ideation. I hope to touch on 2 other important aspects related to my 1st piece on “Why People Commit Suicide?”, which is on Self Injury and on Support and Assistance.

Self injury or self harm is people who deliberately inflict injury upon their own body. Some common form of self injuries involves making cuts in the skin, compulsive skin picking, hair pulling, burning, stabbing, poisoning, anorexia/bulimia or other form of abuses. Self injury aims at relieving or dealing with unbearable emotions (emotional distress), as a coping mechanism to relieve emotional pain or discomfort and to numb one self. These people are literally using “Pain to relief Pain”. In order to better understand, let me give you an analogy. When someone cannot bear that emotional pain, they can’t just gorge out their heart so in order to make it more bearable, to numb or not think they for example, take a knife and stab themselves. Now what happen is that the sudden sharp pain jolts the brain to concentrate on the physical pain instead. So the incumbent has somewhat found a temporary method to counter his/her emotional pain.

Is this a good method? Of course not. It is temporary relief but sets off other types of chain effects. As long as the emotional pain is not cured the person will continue to hurt oneself, which will lead to major health problem and sooner or later these people will have suicidal intent.

I believe Asians are not as open nor know how to deal with this issue compare to our Western counterpart. I could imagine if I tell my mother that I am depress, she will most probably say something like, “What’s wrong with you. You have a good job. Don’t think. Don’t be stupid. Where got people think about such things”. Asians are more of a social conformant. We think more of what people think than what we are supposed to do. Well, this may be another whole write up by itself, so as of now I am not going to touch on this aspect.

So, as family and friends what can we do to support or assist our love ones when they are depress, inflicting self injury or indicate the intention to commit suicide. These are some pointers:

Take It Seriously
You might think that the person is just saying and that he/she will not do it or you might even think or tell them that their problem weren’t enough to commit suicide over. Never underestimate a suicide ideation. Never ever judge if their problem is too small nor belittle their problem. It is not about how big or small a problem is but how badly it is hurting that person. Let me give another analogy, if someone loses a dog and think about committing suicide. What would you think? Many people would most probably feel that that is utterly ridiculous. What if I say that the person has no one else in this world and has been living with that dog for years and the bond that was build, the companionship, the sudden lost and all these emotions started to flood in. Yes, many a times these depress feeling that leads to suicidal ideation can be curb. Many mainly need a re-alignment of perspective, a possible solution, time, etc. But still, anyone expressing suicidal feeling needs immediate attention. So DON’T brush them off.

Another point to note is that if someone tells you “I feel suicidal”, this generally means that part of him/her wants to remain alive and part of him/her wants not so much so death but to end the pain. The reason why someone tells you this is because he/she believes that they can trust you, you are more caring, you would most probably understand, more informed about coping with misfortune, would be able to gently guide or support them through and etc. Most people are afraid to get help fearing that it will bring more pain being told that they are stupid, foolish, sinful, being rejected, suspension from job or school, etc.

Be cautious not to brush them off because brushing them off will just hurt them more and causes them to stop confiding their problem to you, to feel stupid and losing the final hope that they have got. This is detrimental and has major impact on the person who has suicidal intent.

Give and get help as soon as possible
In many circumstances, those who come to you only need to share his/her feelings and to have someone to be with. They just don’t want to be alone with their pain. What they need is patience, acceptance, sympathy, support, care, understanding and time. Yeah sounds like too much to ask from a friend or family member right? Well, as a start you need not displayed all the above, any one or combination of some is good enough. However, in circumstances where the person is acutely suicidal, do not leave them alone. Seek professional help as soon as possible.

One way to help someone who is suicidal is either by means of reducing his/her pain or increase their ability to cope with the pain. It is not easy both for the one suffering or the one helping but there are hundreds of ways we can take to improve our response. Knowing and taking these steps may save lives and reduces a great deal of suffering.