Self Discovery & Finding the Right Path to Friendship

As long as I can remember, I have constantly struggle with the word friends. I have always attribute to me not knowing how to be a human being so what more being a friend ,that contributes to my dilemma. Thus, the word Friend & Friendship baffle me. After 3 decades & I still could not get the hang of it. What an irony.



I wonder why at times?

Is it because I am delusional, living in my own fantasy of how a friend should be or should react.

Or is itbecause I don’t really understand myself as to what I really wanted from a friend?

Could it be that what I want is something that my friends could not provide?

Is it because of who I am & what I do?

Alternatively is I have not find the right type of friends. But then & again how do we classify what is the right type & what is not?

Do we choose friends? Or is it something that just happen. Well, you feel that you can click with someone & one progress from there. That's where it all begins....



In order to understand better, I have to describe a little bout the type of person I am, what I think & feel. I am emotional, sentimental and i believe caring (over caring is more like it) as well. I dont think I am judgemental. I am happy when my friend let me help in any way possible (my worry is that they dont call me when they need help). It could have been as insignificant as driving them to somewhere to get somethings. I also believe that when you love someone you love them whole heartedly thus I like this explanation on love:
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude.

It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;
It does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never ends.



What I want to do is to ensure (up to the best of my capability) that my friends are happy (not hurt), would like them to be safe & healthy (something I can only pray about), to be there 24/7 (if they will only let me).



I think I tend to do things that scares off my friends & I guess it's my problem.
How I tend to scares off my friends that is a long story. So stay tune.....