P.S I Love You by Cecelia Ahern

On the 6th of Aug, when I was temporary out of commission, along with the 22 DVD that Rose had packed for me was this book entitled “P.S. I Love You”.

“Make sure you see the movie 1st before you read the book”, she instructed.

As it turns out, my mood got the better side of me and instead of watching all those new DVD’s which I longed to watch when they debut in the Cineplex like “The Devil Wear Prada” and “P.S. I Love You”, I had a rerun of all those good old movies which I realized I still enjoyed. I had a great time watching Harry Potter series (from The Sorcerer’s Stone to The Order of The Phoenix) back to back, Charlie’s Factory, Pretty Woman while singing the theme song loudly. It was absolutely crazy as I was singing “Pretty Woman, walking down the street” at about 1am in the morning.

I, however did started reading the book several days later, Chapter 1 & 2 while I was waiting for my Dr’s appointment. I had then SMS Rose,
“Hi. I know u said watch movie 1st then read. But I started w d book (P S I love U) 1st. I m only at chapter 2 & I already feel like crying. I think I ll definitely shed lots of tears on tis 1.”

And I was absolutely right. No doubt only recently I actually continue reading the book and subsequently finished the book on the 3rd October 08, but it’s better late than never. I had thoroughly enjoyed a good cry and a good laugh all at the same time. However, what really strikes me is that there are similarities between how I feel now and what Holly felt and most importantly she had her family members and friends to help her pull through.

They, in their whacky kind of ways, each with their own personality including her eldest brother Richard whom she initially cant stand somehow contributed to her journey of realization, self assurance and recovery. The journey, long as it is, she was never abandoned, never alone.

I guess similarly I was blessed to have friends while I go through my difficult journey in life. Rose had been there when I crashed and all along coaxing me to move forward, insisting that I share my pain with her, not judgmental regardless of what I tell her and being extremely gentle & patient. I have 2 very dear friends who would remind me that they love me. And I have another friend who don’t mind me slacking off and being bugged for no reason why.

To those who believe true friendship exist, those who goes through pain or even those who wishes to just grab a good book, do consider mulling over this one. To me, it’s a worthy investment.

Why People Commit Suicide? (Part 2)

Previously, I have explored the reason and indicating signs of people who have suicide ideation. I hope to touch on 2 other important aspects related to my 1st piece on “Why People Commit Suicide?”, which is on Self Injury and on Support and Assistance.

Self injury or self harm is people who deliberately inflict injury upon their own body. Some common form of self injuries involves making cuts in the skin, compulsive skin picking, hair pulling, burning, stabbing, poisoning, anorexia/bulimia or other form of abuses. Self injury aims at relieving or dealing with unbearable emotions (emotional distress), as a coping mechanism to relieve emotional pain or discomfort and to numb one self. These people are literally using “Pain to relief Pain”. In order to better understand, let me give you an analogy. When someone cannot bear that emotional pain, they can’t just gorge out their heart so in order to make it more bearable, to numb or not think they for example, take a knife and stab themselves. Now what happen is that the sudden sharp pain jolts the brain to concentrate on the physical pain instead. So the incumbent has somewhat found a temporary method to counter his/her emotional pain.

Is this a good method? Of course not. It is temporary relief but sets off other types of chain effects. As long as the emotional pain is not cured the person will continue to hurt oneself, which will lead to major health problem and sooner or later these people will have suicidal intent.

I believe Asians are not as open nor know how to deal with this issue compare to our Western counterpart. I could imagine if I tell my mother that I am depress, she will most probably say something like, “What’s wrong with you. You have a good job. Don’t think. Don’t be stupid. Where got people think about such things”. Asians are more of a social conformant. We think more of what people think than what we are supposed to do. Well, this may be another whole write up by itself, so as of now I am not going to touch on this aspect.

So, as family and friends what can we do to support or assist our love ones when they are depress, inflicting self injury or indicate the intention to commit suicide. These are some pointers:

Take It Seriously
You might think that the person is just saying and that he/she will not do it or you might even think or tell them that their problem weren’t enough to commit suicide over. Never underestimate a suicide ideation. Never ever judge if their problem is too small nor belittle their problem. It is not about how big or small a problem is but how badly it is hurting that person. Let me give another analogy, if someone loses a dog and think about committing suicide. What would you think? Many people would most probably feel that that is utterly ridiculous. What if I say that the person has no one else in this world and has been living with that dog for years and the bond that was build, the companionship, the sudden lost and all these emotions started to flood in. Yes, many a times these depress feeling that leads to suicidal ideation can be curb. Many mainly need a re-alignment of perspective, a possible solution, time, etc. But still, anyone expressing suicidal feeling needs immediate attention. So DON’T brush them off.

Another point to note is that if someone tells you “I feel suicidal”, this generally means that part of him/her wants to remain alive and part of him/her wants not so much so death but to end the pain. The reason why someone tells you this is because he/she believes that they can trust you, you are more caring, you would most probably understand, more informed about coping with misfortune, would be able to gently guide or support them through and etc. Most people are afraid to get help fearing that it will bring more pain being told that they are stupid, foolish, sinful, being rejected, suspension from job or school, etc.

Be cautious not to brush them off because brushing them off will just hurt them more and causes them to stop confiding their problem to you, to feel stupid and losing the final hope that they have got. This is detrimental and has major impact on the person who has suicidal intent.

Give and get help as soon as possible
In many circumstances, those who come to you only need to share his/her feelings and to have someone to be with. They just don’t want to be alone with their pain. What they need is patience, acceptance, sympathy, support, care, understanding and time. Yeah sounds like too much to ask from a friend or family member right? Well, as a start you need not displayed all the above, any one or combination of some is good enough. However, in circumstances where the person is acutely suicidal, do not leave them alone. Seek professional help as soon as possible.

One way to help someone who is suicidal is either by means of reducing his/her pain or increase their ability to cope with the pain. It is not easy both for the one suffering or the one helping but there are hundreds of ways we can take to improve our response. Knowing and taking these steps may save lives and reduces a great deal of suffering.

Why People Commit Suicide? (Part 1)

The topic on suicide has been a topic that people either rarely talked about, tried to avoid or somehow brought about a certain degree of discomfort. But for the matter of fact, in reality many have somehow chooses to intentionally terminating their own life, hence committing suicide. Those who has committed suicide comes from all walks of life for example Leslie Cheong (actor), John Reynolds (Actor), Alan Turing (British Mathematician & Computer Scientist), Tawfik Abu al-Huda Baja (Former PM of Jordan), poets, sportsman, world renown chemist and the list goes on. Equivalently as many is the type of suicidal method ranging from carbon monoxide poisoning, overdose, hanging, gunshot, jumping off buildings, wrists slitting and others.

The whole idea of death is abhorrent to us yet to me it is somewhat intriguing. Why do people commit suicide or even have suicidal thoughts or “suicidal ideation” in the first place? Is suicide the best option for people? Is there no other way to go about life and what life brings?

Many would condemn people who commit suicide because they generally don’t understand why this path is chosen. General trend of perception would be like

1. Religion disapproves of suicide.
2. Optimistic people would tell us that if you think positively you’ll be able to overcome anything in life.
3. People who thought about committing suicide is just attention seeker or projecting some form of deviant behavior
4. You are the source of your emotions. If a person wants to control their feeling they definitely can do so
5. There’s so much to live for there’s no reason to end ones life
6. Maybe it’s a mental problem and they should see a shrink

Contrary to what most people believe, suicidal thoughts are an involuntary affliction. Meaning people don’t choose to think or planned them. Suicidal thoughts just enter the mind. Hard to believe eh?

In reality, there are millions of people out there who wake each day thinking, hoping and wishing that they could be someone else or somewhere else. There’s just so much pain that people goes through daily. In most cases, people who think or commit suicide are people in great pain or difficult circumstances that they feel that their lives aren’t worth living anymore. It may also be due to major life transition like death, loss of job, end of relationship, and prolong sickness or a steady decline in the quality of their lives.

People who commit suicide often have overwhelmed feeling of helplessness; they are desperate and hurt; they think that something is wrong with them and often blame themselves for whatever things that happens in their life. The more they blame themselves, the less worthy they feel of having friends, fun, happiness or success.

They began to perceive the future as being hopeless. When these people live or believe to be living in such a world of pain and hurt then death ceases to be scary any more – Death then began to look like an easy way out, a simple solution to end their despair.

People, who have suicide ideation which lead to them committing suicide don’t just happen overnight. There are normally warning signs that are loud and clear. This is because it is not a norm for people to choose the path of death, people generally wanted to live. It’s just that they are struggling.

Some indication of a person who is seriously considering suicide is as follow:

• Talk or write about death, dying or suicide and suicidal method.
• Self hurt or self injury (this will be discuss in Part 2 of the series)
• Lack of interest, loss of concentration and withdrawal
• Trouble eating or sleeping (either excessive or lack)
• Feeling hopeless, anxious, agitated, uncontrolled or drastic change in behavior, mood and emotions
• Signs of preparing for death like making funeral arrangement, giving away prized possessions, writing letters or notes

Many a time the chance of recovery is higher if family and friends is able to pick up these signs and know how to handle such situation. Unfortunately, sad but true, sometimes the final push for a person to commit suicide is because they can’t even find the solace that they need from those closest to them. Think for a minute. If the person can get out of how they feel, do you think that they will need help? It’s often because they are lost in a maze that they need a light of guidance.

Some useful sites on this topic are as follow:
http://www.therapistlocator.net/families/Consumer_Updates/Suicidal_Thoughts.asp
http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/help/warning_signs.aspx
http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/
http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/whattodo.htm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-harm

Nudeus of Knowledge

One of the things I needed to do lately was to research on games or simulation for our workshop. Where could I find resources for my research other than libraries. After almost 8 years of not stepping into a library, I had visited the National Library on the 27th Sept 08 and today, 12th Oct 08.

As I set foot in the library, there was this gush of feeling that had long been submerged somehow resurface itself. The feeling grew stronger as I walked down the aisle. The euphoric feeling hits as I ooohhh and aaahhh on all those books that I found displayed on the shelf. I had took some time to visit the fiction section today after I finish my research. Each book seems to be fighting to gain my attention. Truthfully I had not felt this type of little joy for a long long time. I had borrowed 2 fictions written by Terry Brooks. Well, I hope to be able to read his 1st series, which is 1st King of Shannara, The Sword of Shannara, The Elfstones of Shannara & The Wishsong of Shannara. Unfortunately, the National Library doesn't have his full writting collection.

Another author I hope to read more of her books were from Pearl S. Buck. The 1st novel I read way back then was her book, "The Good Earth". The national library fantastic system makes it extremely hard to either locate books or to borrow them cos books are literally divided into 3 different storage area.

My next aim is to borrow War & Peace by Leo Tolstoy & An Absolute Scandal by Penny Vincenzi the next time I visit the library. Well, hopefully reading can help take me to another place, another realm, soemone elses lives so I can leave reality behind.

Failure to Launch

This movie was aired on HBO, Astro quite sometime back but somehow I had never gotton around to watching it. The show was about Tripp (Matthew McConaughey) who was in his 30s and is still living with his parents. Tripp's father especially couldn't wait for the day when his son would finally flap his wings and fly out of the nest.

In their ultimate desparation, they hired Sarah (Sarah Jessica Parker) to be their son's girlfriend. Yep, she is a specialist in helping guys who are old enough to stand on their own 2 feet but refuses to leave the comfort of the house they grew up in. I would definitely recommend this show to anyone who wants a really really good laugh.

But that's beside the point. What strikes my thinking cap here was that Sarah uses the same method for all the guys and it works. Well, she'll have to fine tune the content but generally the process is the same. But with Tripp, her methods failed and she needs to improvise. One of the reason for her failure was that she was over confident and she did not obtained the crucial information which can determine the success or failure of her project.

That leads me to think that we, as consultants can learn a thing or two from this movie:

1) It's absolutely alright to use back the same tool which we have master especially if it has been proven successful

2) You need not have all/the full detailed information to ensure success. You just need to make sure you identify the correct & yet crucial information and make sure you have it to ensure success.

3) Always fine tune your methods/tools to suit your client's needs

4) Always have or prepare a contingency plan. There's no sure safe methods on earth

5) Knowing who's who is important. Your clients have several levels of influencers. Crucial to determine the right influencer and provide the necessary information to these groups.

6) Teachnology can create wonders when uses appropriately.

Wedding Bliss!

Notes of happiness fill the air. The day started with the usual rush, hustling with my mom for the mirror’s attention. After being absolutely sure we look presentable, we headed for my uncle’s house. It’s his eldest son, my cousin brother, Brandon Ham’s wedding today (4th October 2008). As we were slightly late, the groom had already left the house to pick up his lovely bride. I was engrossed in a conversation with a friend of mine when suddenly a deafening honking sound pierce through the air. The honking somehow demanded everyone’s attention as it announces the arrival of the bride and groom. It has always been a tradition for male kids to open the wedding carriage, I mean the car door. It is a belief that the couple would be able to get a son soon as it is all parents wish for their sons. Amin and Shahmin, Brandon’s nephew has been chosen to do the honor. The children were more than eager as this important assignment also comes with a handsome reward, a red packet each. As he stepped out of the car, flashing his contented smile, he escorted his wife into the house for the tea ceremony.

I was not one for such ceremony. I dreaded the part when the newly wed couples start to give ang pow to those “un-married ones” which mainly consist of kids or toddler and the highest attained age level is supposed to be teenagers. As I had woke up late and literally skipped breakfast. I was ravenous by 11am. Well, while everyone was busy hustling & bustling with the tea ceremony in the house, I was outside whacking the food. It was a true joy to be….ahem, the very few first people to attack the food free from any disturbances nor queue. The food was marvelous and they even have someone mending a cendol & ABC machine which ultimately become the center of attraction both for the kids and the adults as well.

After a hefty brunch, which lasted till about 1pm. For everyone’s info, we did not gorged down food for a span of 2 hours, we would burst. Well, it was a mingle between food and everyone trying to catch up with each other, especially among relatives who had not seen each other for centuries.

After my stomach was contented and was no longer complaining, my eyes were now battling with my eyelid for it fail to compromise between staying awake and the urge to sleep. We then headed back to the hotel to get some shut eye.

The wedding dinner is scheduled at 7pm at Astana Ballroom, M.S Garden hotel. Knowing “Malaysia’s time”, I had suggested that we should leave our hotel & walked across to M.S Garden at 7pm as it is only a 10 minute stroll down the road. Unfortunately, my plan was foiled when mom started her lecture on how we should be on time by 6.30pm. Hence, we all had to scramble to get ourselves ready and in record time. We successfully reached the hotel as planned. Most tables were still empty and the chairs were looking longingly for someone to warm them up. The plus point of being one of the early birds was that we get to pick a beautiful spot right behind the main table with absolutely clear view of the stage and the newly weds.

Like I say, we Malaysians are unbelievable when it comes to being on time. Seriously, I wonder, who’s the founder of this philosophy? The wedding dinner finally starts slightly after 8pm. To me well other then the newly weds, there were 2 extremely notable highlights of the night. The champion goes to the karaoke sessions. I had so much fun laughing that my stomach and diaphragm hurts from all those laughing. There were of course some good singers… there was this extremely extremely cute 5 year old who sang “Eternal Flame” and the bride, Joycelyn’s sisters and of course we also have some who are convinced that they can mesmerized the audience, if you get my drift.

The part which touches my heart was when my cousin brother gave his bride his vow based on 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. I soon found out that he too had accepted Jesus Christ as his personal Lord and Savior. This holy matrimony is hence both a blessing and a joy.

Here’s wishing that the Lord’s blessing will be upon them as Brandon Ham & Joycelyn Tay starts their journey together as husband and wife.

Picture Courtesy of Eng Wei Yong.